Oh, For Shirt's Sake!

     Being approximately 100 years pregnant is starting to stretch my wardrobe a little thin.  Seriously.  My shirts are being pushed within an inch of their lives.  If they could talk they would beg for mercy.  My casual clothes are now consisting of about three pairs of shorts and a couple of tank tops that still manage to keep my belly button contained, as well as about two dresses.  My work wardrobe is another story entirely.  
Let me first start by apologizing to my co-workers for what they have to look at daily. Aside from the fact that even my full on, over the belly, old lady-style pants are cutting directly into my midsection (making my bump look more like the letter 'B' than is healthy or comfortable), my uniform polo shirts are now half shirts.  I look like the star quarterback in a 1980's teen romance movie, minus the permed mullet and pleated, stonewashed jeans.  If it were not for my trusty maternity tank top which hangs out of the bottom of my tops like a white flag of surrender, I would be sharing my formerly 'innie' belly button with anyone who has eyes.
     Now I will take a moment to discuss my pants.  As previously mentioned, the lovely upper stretchy panel is doing rude things to my bump.  Aside from that is the fact that I have absolutely no junk in the proverbial trunk.  Non-pregnant is not so bad because I can buy jeans to make it look like there is something back there, but these days,  I am keeping all my junk in the front seat if you will.  And since maternity pants only come in garbage bag ass or pancake ass , this presents a real challenge.   Buying pants to accommodate the girth means that there is tons of extra fabric in the back....but not a lot of extra in the length of the leg.  So my high waisted pants are high water pants as well.  Add to this the swollen ankles peeking out from between the pant leg and sock line and the mental image should be complete.  Since the first step to conquering a problem is admitting that you have one, I am doing it now.  I know I am fashionally challenged, but it's not forever.  In the meantime, realize that these sweatpants really are the most flattering things I could possibly be wearing...well, next to a muumuu anyway.